Relax And It Will Happen
We’ve all heard it before: “Relax and it will happen.”
If you’re in the middle of TTC, I know how infuriating those words can feel. They land like a dismissal, as if your pain, your longing, your medical challenges aren’t valid. I used to avoid anyone who dared say such things to me. But now… years later, I see them differently.
This is my story, through the stages of grief, and how my perspective shifted through years of recurrent pregnancy loss.
Denial & Anger: “Don’t Tell Me to Relax”
In the thick of TTC, every month feels like a storm of hope and heartbreak. Each negative test chips away at your spirit. Each loss feels unbearable. And when someone throws in “things happen for a reason” or “just relax”, it doesn’t soothe….. it burns.
I didn’t want comfort. I wanted answers. I wanted control. My entire life revolved around having a baby. Holidays, work, study, even everyday joy—I put it all on hold. My only focus was tracking days, timing everything perfectly, and testing as soon as I could. I really wanted a new job at the time, but I also didn’t want to stuff up my maternity leave just in case I fell pregnant with a healthy pregnancy and was financially stuck. So I kept pushing away offers and opportunities which I now regret. TTC wasn’t just part of my life; it was my life.
So yes, when people told me to relax, stop thinking about it, or to go on a holiday, It boiled my blood. I didn’t want to hear it, because at that stage, it felt like erasure of my grief. How can a holiday help me conceive? When they said “relax”, what did they mean? How could I do that? How could I stop thinking about it? I did not understand it at all. But now I do. Now that I understand the mind-body connection…..I get it.
Bargaining & Depression: “Why Is This Happening to Me?”
My personal battle wasn’t conceiving—I had no trouble there. My struggle was carrying pregnancies beyond 8 weeks, or navigating high-risk issues that appeared later on. My last 2 losses were brutal. My first 2nd trimester loss was in 2011 and my last one was in 2016 at 27 weeks pregnant. Those 2 experiences changed me forever. I will never be the woman I was before them.
I went through every test, every possibility, and everything came back “normal.” Which only deepened my despair. I begged the universe for answers, I prayed, searched for reasons, and felt the weight of bad luck press harder and harder against me.
And in those years, I couldn’t accept “relax.” It felt like the cruelest suggestion of all.
Acceptance & Growth: “Now I See”
But time, experience, and my own spiritual journey shifted me. Somewhere between the grief and the surrender, I began to see the redirections my life had taken—paths I never would have walked if not for the pain of infertility and loss.
I can see now that those phrases—“things happen for a reason”, “relax and it will happen”—don’t trigger me anymore. Because I understand something deeper: when the body and spirit are constantly in stress, it becomes harder to feel safe, aligned, or ready. Rest doesn’t guarantee pregnancy, but it does create space for healing, for joy, for love.
I’ve found peace in the in-between. I trust the unknown. And I’ve learned to live life fully, instead of waiting for it to begin.
Helping Women on Their Path
I haven’t tried to have another baby since 2016. Not because I was scared, and not because something was wrong with me—but because life took turns that were out of my control. I was single for many years, and in that time my focus shifted again and again.
People often reminded me, “You’re in your late 30s now, you’re getting older.” But age never worried me. Deep down, I always knew I was meant to be a later-in-life mum.
My intuition and spiritual gifts have always been both a blessing and a challenge. I can sense spirit, see energetic imbalances within the body, and glimpse the threads of what’s ahead. In my 20s and 30s, when I was trying, a part of me already knew it wasn’t my time. That knowing hurt—but it also gave me a rare comfort: the reassurance that my time would come, just not then.
Looking back, I feel blessed to carry that insight. It’s what allows me to walk beside women who are navigating TTC, loss, or uncertainty. Because when you’ve lived it, the connection is different. It’s the same reason some people struggle in therapy—they feel the therapist’s words are textbook, detached, or clinical. But when you find someone who truly understands the pain, who has sat in it themselves, everything shifts. You feel seen.
That’s how I approach my work. My gifts allow me to sense timelines, connect with the souls of babies, and see within the body. But my experience—nearly two decades of loss, surrender, and healing—is what allows me to sit with women in their rawest moments and really get it. I don’t diagnose. I don’t dismiss. I walk with them, soul to soul, through the physical and the spiritual journey.
And though I still long to be a mother myself, I know now that my path is also about guiding others. If and when I try again, I will do it differently—without charts, cycles, or tests. With full surrender. Because after all these years through my own journey and guiding other women on their TTC journey, I know the truth:
You cannot change what is written for you. The timing, the way, the soul—it will arrive exactly as it is meant to.
Why Relaxing Matters on the Fertility Journey
Relaxing doesn’t mean “stop caring” or “forget about it.” It means allowing your body, mind, and energy to move out of survival mode and into a state where new life can be welcomed.
Nervous system reset – When you calm stress and anxiety, your body shifts from “fight or flight” into “rest and repair,” creating a safer, softer space for conception.
Living beyond TTC – By letting yourself enjoy other parts of life—relationships, joy, creativity—you give your heart and mind a break, which restores energy instead of draining it.
Releasing energetic blocks – Constantly telling yourself “it’s not happening” or “something’s wrong with me” can create tension and resistance. Softening those thoughts opens more flow and possibility.
Stronger intuition – When you slow down, you can actually hear your body’s signals and inner guidance more clearly, helping you make choices that truly support your fertility and wellbeing.
Supporting your whole self – Rest, nourishment, and self-kindness aren’t luxuries—they’re essentials. The same way you’d care for yourself when you’re sick or healing, your womb and body need that same gentle support now
A Message for You
This week, I’ve felt such a strong nudge from spirit—almost like I’ve been pushed to keep repeating the same word: rest. Over and over, the guidance has come through: “Tell them to rest. Tell them to give it a break.”
I don’t believe these messages come by accident. If you’ve found yourself here, reading this—whether you’re one of my followers or you stumbled across this page while still waiting for your rainbow baby—maybe this message is meant for you.
If you are in the middle of TTC right now, I know my words may sting. I know how much you want this. I know how deeply you feel every loss, and how impossible it feels when someone tells you to “just relax.”
But trust me when I say: your body, your heart, and your relationship may be craving a little breathing space. Even just a few months. Stop saying “let’s try.” Stop making intimacy a scheduled chore. Apply for that new job not worrying that it will stuff up your maternity leave if you fall pregnant now. Take that holiday. Laugh. Be playful. Remember the version of your relationship that existed before TTC took over every corner of your life.
Because here’s the truth I’ve come to see— rest is not failure. Rest is medicine. It’s love, safety, and trust in action. And it may just be the exact space your body and spirit need in order to welcome what is already written for you.