Not Pregnant This Month — And Why I’m at Peace with It
Another month. Another cycle.
And for the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say I’m okay with it.
This was only our second month trying to conceive again. And as many of you already know, I don’t test. I don’t take pregnancy tests. I don’t track ovulation. I don’t live by apps, dates, or fertile windows. I’m leaving this chapter entirely in the hands of the universe.
For some, that might sound unrealistic. For me, it’s peace.
My trying-to-conceive journey hasn’t been short. It’s been almost 20 years, marked by loss, grief, and repeated heartbreak. Multiple miscarriages. Two late-term pregnancy losses. Eventually, I stopped trying—not because I didn’t want to be a mother, but because my heart needed time to survive. But in the last 20 years, I chose to also live my life. I didn’t stop living because
In those 20 years, my life changed in every possible way. I had to start over in almost every area of my life more times than I can count. The reasons aren’t important. What matters is that life had its own agenda, even when my only dream in my 20s was simply to be a mum.
And yet, deep down, I always knew something else. I’ve said it before on podcasts, in blogs, and on Instagram—I always felt I would become a mother in my 40s. Not earlier. Not when I was desperately trying to force it. But later. When I was ready in ways I couldn’t yet understand.
Back then, I tried to control everything. When to have sex. When I would fall pregnant. How life should unfold. I believed that if I just did everything right, it would happen. But there was no softness in that version of me. Only urgency, fear, and pressure.
This version of me is different.
It’s January now. I started a new cycle on New Year’s Eve night, and I didn’t fall apart. I didn’t feel betrayed by my body. I didn’t feel crushed. And this is why.
In December, I knew our intimacy didn’t align with my fertile window. It happened either early on in my cycle or really late. I didn’t give myself false hope. I didn’t create expectations where alignment didn’t exist.
I was also unwell—really unwell. A long lasting flu, a throat infection and a sinus infection. My body was in healing mode, not creation mode. My energy was focused on recovery, not conception. And I listened.
One of the biggest shifts I’ve made this time around is releasing control completely. I don’t plan intimacy. I don’t mention ovulation. I don’t schedule anything around baby-making. If we feel like being intimate, we are. If we don’t, we don’t. Nature leads now—not fear, not timelines, not pressure.
I’m 41. My body is not the body I had in my 20s or even my 30s. My hormones are different. My nervous system is different. My energy is different. And I respect that. I understand that conception may take longer—or it may not happen at all.
And here is the truth I’ve made peace with:
This will be my final year of trying.
If it happens, it happens.
If it doesn’t, I will close this chapter with love, not resentment.
You Cannot Rush Divine Timing
Divine timing is the understanding that life unfolds in its own rhythm, not according to our urgency, fear, or plans. To align with divine timing is to soften into trust, to listen to what is happening rather than forcing what we think should happen. When we try to control outcomes, especially around fertility, we often create resistance instead of flow. That resistance can show up as obstacles: delays in procedures or appointments, illness or exhaustion, emotional overwhelm, unexpected life events, or even physical or energetic distance between partners. These moments aren’t punishments or signs of failure. When we push against timing, life tends to push back. But when we surrender control and allow things to unfold naturally, the path becomes clearer, softer, and more honest. Divine timing can’t be rushed, negotiated, or cheated—it meets us when we’re truly ready, not just when we want it most. What I’ve learned through my own journey and through nearly a decade of supporting women with fertility readings, is that you cannot rush divine timing. You cannot cheat it. You cannot force alignment.
When it’s your time, it’s your time.
When it’s not, it simply isn’t.
The younger version of me would have felt like a failure if she got her period.
This version of me sees information.
Timing.
Truth.
Also it is confirmation. Confirmation that my intuition was always right. I never wanted it to be right but here we are now.
Open to Possibilities: A Fertility Story
I want to share a story from my work with a client to illustrate how divine timing and spiritual guidance often play out in real life. This client came to me for a fertility reading while doing IVF with her husband. I shared her timeline—a three-year cycle, what I often call three “cycles” of energy and alignment. She was hoping to conceive within the year and thought I meant three IVF cycles specifically. Naturally, she felt sad and frustrated; it was hard for her to understand why it would take longer than she had planned. Yet, during that waiting period, life shifted in ways she couldn’t have anticipated. She separated from her husband, started fresh with a new partner, and at around the two-year mark, she fell pregnant naturally. She is now six months along. Stories like this are why I always encourage openness—to the guidance, to the possibilities, and to life itself. When we try to control our fertility journey, we often create disappointment and resistance. But when we release control, surrender to timing, and remain open, the universe has a way of delivering what we need in ways we could never have planned.
“Relax and It Will Happen”
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Relax and it will happen.” But this doesn’t mean that simply being more positive, taking a weekend off work or lying on the couch is enough to magically conceive. It’s deeper than that. Relaxing in this context means letting go of rigid timing, dropping the pressure and expectations, and embracing the process of intimacy with lightness and joy. For many of us, TTC can unintentionally become a chore—sex becomes transactional, intimacy fades, passion disappears, and the fun goes out of the room. Aligning with divine timing means remembering to have fun in the making, to enjoy closeness without outcome-focused anxiety, and to let the energy of connection flow naturally. When we release control and invite play, curiosity, and pleasure back into the journey, we are truly in alignment with divine timing.
Don’t Stop Living
Even in these 20 years marked by miscarriage, loss, and starting over, I chose to live. I chose myself, my dreams, and my joy over something I didn’t yet have. I studied, changed careers, pursued new passions, started Pilates, went out with friends, celebrated life, and explored new hobbies. I built a life for me while navigating grief and uncertainty. This is why I come to this chapter of trying again with surrender and peace. Because I know that life doesn’t stop, even while waiting for a child. Yes, I deeply hope to become a mum one day, and I can’t wait for that chapter. But I’m also grateful for the freedom and richness of the life I’ve created for myself: going for walks with my dog, enjoying the beach or the park, taking myself out for breakfast, traveling, renovating my home in Greece, growing my business, exploring new adventures like boating, fishing, or camping. Life is meant to be lived, and I refuse to pause it just for TTC. When this chapter ends—if this year doesn’t bring a baby—I won’t be sad, because I have decades ahead of me to explore, achieve, and create. There are still so many things I want to do, and so many ways to fully embrace the life I have. The journey isn’t just about waiting; it’s about living beautifully in the meantime.
I want to ask you a deep and honest question: If you reached the end of your journey childless, how would you choose to live moving forward?
My Message to You
So if this month brought you a negative test, pause before breaking your own heart. Ask yourself:
What was happening in my life—physically, emotionally, energetically?
Was my body truly ready to create?
What am I ignoring or pushing aside?
Did alignment exist, or was I holding onto hope where there was none?
Yes, miracles happen. Yes, conception can occur outside the fertile window. But not every delay is meant to be fought. Some are meant to be understood.
Trust that if the universe needs you to wait, it will make that very clear.
This journey isn’t about forcing life into existence.
It’s about meeting life when it’s ready to meet you.
And this month—even with another negative test—I am at peace, because I trust the timing far more than I trust the outcome.
Love,
Fotini